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Tears shed in loss; (Open if you want to join)
Topic Started: May 13 2008, 02:50 AM (359 Views)
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The darkness felt like a warm blanket, sitting there in his solitude, it was akin to knowing himself again. He was wrapped in it, assaulted by it and basked in it’s embrace. Become things he was not, indulged in fantasies of the heart and mind. Forever was a word that he though around too carelessly.

The pained moment came too quickly on the heels of everything he’d accomplished. Just as he was feeling like the world was right and that he could survive. Everything he valued turned to ash in his hands. Why did his heart twist so when he came to his empty house that first night? Why did the panic in his eyes not leave when nothing could be found? A small crystal token was his reward for his patience and caring, it stood on the center of a small stone table.

This wasn’t his home, Brian couldn’t bare sleeping in his empty bed, and couldn’t stare at the empty rooms without feeling like his heart would rend itself apart. Yet as that first night had worn on, he couldn’t blame her, he’d done this to himself. The one thing she always asked from him was his honesty not the charade of a giving heart that he always tried to give. He wasn’t giving, not at heart, if anything he was like Lilith, he wanted and desired. He wanted to be respected, he wanted to be revered and treated like the hero’s he’d seen save AHS time and time again.

Brian moved deeper away from the intruding moonlight. Brian drew away from the light, and sat at the only piece of furniture in the room. A stone table large enough only for two, sitting cross from each other, as Brian sat he felt the other figure sit with him, their eternal game would begin again.

~So, that’s it then you’ve failed and you’ve given up. Never mind everything you’ve done already, or could do. It’s simply time to give up because you lost the things important to you~

“I am well suited here, away from them all. Nobody seeks me out, nobody looks for a monster. I’ve cut my ties, bleed enough for a dozen lifetimes, and lost my most valuable treasure. This isn’t giving up, it’s accepting reality.”

The invasive light cast upon Brian, his form looked hunched and sagged, had he bones they would have shown though even his fur. Instead the fur was matted down and tight against him. A mound of morsels eaten, rotted away for the excess of the catches. Brian turned at the light glaring at it, as the clouds covered the cave again, daring them to return.

~Stop killing yourself, Raine is gone it’s not your fault!~

“She saw what I had become! Nearly killed those students, abandoned my heart for my dreamed up fantasies! Reached so hard for these petty stars that I failed to ever see what I had! So I shall stay here, this filthy center will be my cave, and then my tomb!”

Brian swept his hand over the table clearing his imaginary game with Robert. The white mask, teeth eternally grinning somehow looked of frown as he left Brian alone. His wordless demand was inescapable for the imagined companion. Brian leaned over the table and rested his head on the surface, the roots from his skin enveloped the table as new ornate designs were etched into its surface.

Each rune was a telling of his story, every moment carved into this stone and reinforced by Tlachtga’s gift. In this Brian felt connected to the child he was, one who was fresh to discovering happiness. Felt the embrace of the only mother he could truly call a mother, almost felt the wisp of Tlachtga’s guidance within his heart. Though the magic roots pulled in the stone carvings, making them perfect in story, Brian’s steady stream of tears filled in the imperfections.
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(Of course, there was an inevitable difficulty with total isolationism. And that is remaining so. Go forth, and discover. Ask, and you shall be answered. Seek, and ye shall find! Therefore, in seclusion, one shall find unexpected, and possibly unwanted, company. It was not necessarily that anyone was specifically looking for him in this case, because if it were then...they would just head right to his place, knowing where it is. No, this was a case of accidental discovery. It went along...like this. She had been climbing the mountain, with no real trouble to speak of, on her way to the tallest summit. For a person of normal strength, this takes a good long while. In her case, not as such. This was a girl clad in black pants and a navy-blue shirt, a tough fighter-type. Dark haired, with cat ears, and violet ears. No tail, no weapon, and currently no shoes on. She was carrying them in her hand, using the grips of her feet to agily jump down from one spot on the mountain to another. The girl's name was Elisa, a name that maybe a few people would recognize, but not many. As far as anyone knew, she was relatively new to AHS. This was not...entirely the case. Let's just say she has prior history and leave it at that. The people she associated with the most were those closest to her, and as such, she had been climbing the mountain previously to call in on Jake. Not for any particular reason. Just to talk. She was rarely in that sort of mood at home.)

Elisa: Didn't help that he wasn't THERE. Honestly, how does Som put up with it?

(And...that was kind of why she was in a sour mood, heading back down the mountain a slightly different way. Grumbling somewhat to herself, she almost didn't notice it at first, but gradually...she thought she heard something. Her ears perked up as she heard muffled sounds of someone speaking, the words too indistinct to make out. Wait a minute, that was coming from inside the mountain. It was some kind of yell, but that's all she heard from still being high up. Moments later, she leapt down, her feet slapping the ground of the latest ledge audibly. There was a cave here. It was nighttime, but she could see pretty well, considering. After all, Moonians may not by like regular Nekojins, but still the logic applied. Good eyes on her. Good ears too. For while she hadn't heard the content of what was said, the tone never escaped her. It was sorrowful, somethign she was acquainted with. Elisa decided...she'd never be satisfied just walking away, not without knowing why. Leaning against the 'doorway' of the cave, moonlight casting upon her, she asked...)

Elisa: So...what's your problem?

(Blunt as always...)
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Another etching, another pool for the salty water to seep into, He would have laid there all night until the morning came, then he would be ready to face another day of searching. Pieced back together with his façade face so that nobody would need to be burdened. The fates that be seemed to remain ungenerous with their plans as the loose soil around the outside of the cave shuttered under new feet. Perhaps it was the moons cruel joke that he saw fox ears rather than cat, leaning against the cave entrance.

Slowly rising as he tried to piece back together the shattered mirror of strength he turned at the girl with some small elation in his eyes, only to seal up his hurt under crushing pressure when the voice hadn’t quite matched his fantasy. So as the tears cleared his eyes running down ignored on his face he saw a girl, well defined in the moonlight. He didn’t know her and her lack of weapons at least suggested he would not be suffering another battle.

So he took a breath rolling over her question, taking precious moments to try and build up a guard. He knew much like the dawn’s cruel light that demanded he be strong, a chance meeting required no less. He needed to pretend at least cover up his hurt and deal with the new problem before he could relax again.

His parched mouth opened the beginning of words tried to break their way though the paste of his mouth. Then it was Yang who he saw, the tears still pouring down her face as he had somehow managed to hurt her more than his would be killers, the darkness the enveloped them played too many tricks. His heart wrenched too many times and he beat his fist on the wall before taking the initiative to see rather than feel. The glowing orb of green twisting light developed in his hand and floated between them.

“Hurt people I care about, destroyed a dream, and lost what was important to me. Common accomplishments for most, at least most people who live so close to AHS.”

Brian could swear that Robert cuffed him in the back of the head for saying too much. His dislike of the school was growing more evident as time went on, and the girl didn’t need to know about any of it. Though now he could see her face, some comfort came from seeing a face completely alien to him, no relation to anyone he knew. His mask though not perfect could serve well enough to hide the hurt from someone who hardly knew him, at least he thought so.
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(The girl he saw certainly didn't look like a fox. And anyone with half-decent senses beyond mere sight would know this too. But nevermind what he almost mistook Elisa for. She just looked back at him, awaiting a reply...if he'd give any. There was...something about this that rang familiar. Not to say that HE was. No, she had never met him before. Not here and...not anywhere else. The look on his face, the body language... It was definitely a broken heart, a broken will, a broken soul... Yeah, she knew all about THAT. She waited for the boy to get a hold of himself, patiently. Patience wasn't one of her strong points, but...sometimes...you have to. While waiting, she glanced at the moon until the other light appeared. Looking back, she didn't even have to focus now to see him. Kinda' hairy, wasn't he? And he DID have a tail, but he certainly wasn't Neko. What was he?)

“Hurt people I care about, destroyed a dream, and lost what was important to me. Common accomplishments for most, at least most people who live so close to AHS.”

Elisa: Hmmm... That, I can understand. Never hurt the ones I care about, but...I hurt alot of people, especially when they did the hurting first to them.

(He gaze had moved from him to the ceiling of the cave. The look was nostalgic, saddening, yet betrayed maybe a slight smile. Then, she looked down for a moment, remembering that she was in the company of another and not just simply thinking to herself.)

Elisa: Funny... I thought I was over it by now, but I guess I'll carry that weight for a while.

(Then, looking at him more directly with a half-smile that didn't look entirely genuine...)

Elisa: Heh, sorry. I guess we have our bad spots in common. And AHS. Well...sort of. Not sure I wanna talk about it. Not sure you wanna either. But tell me...

(She now stood at the mouth of the cave, gesturing to it all.)

Elisa: Is it worth it? The cave, I mean?

(Her glare was now a little more stern. Maybe it was because she'd been in this kind of situation before, but she didn't like the looks of this. Her...father, had had to deal with her. First, by fighting her, then by counseling her, and finally...by convincing her to move on. There was so much agony and sorrow and regret...)

Elisa: Not my business, I know, but I was never too keen on leaving well enough alone.
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However events had turned Brian found himself with the knowing look of someone who had suffered too. Perhaps not in the same way, but the feel of a easy worn mask echoed as he heard her speak of hurting those before her. She was defiantly a student of the school, the philosophy was unmistakable regardless of being a graduate you always knew the keen sense of hurting them before they hurt you.

With her gaze turned up, into the cave ceiling he had opportunity to clear his eyes of the remaining crystal water. Flicked off by the fur on his arm he’d reformed his own mask, setting his jaw and creasing his eyes into the man he held himself as when things were at their toughest. Hiding behind this mask his mind could begin to work though this problem.

Pebbles rolled down his throat as he tried to quench his dry throat. He thought it may be a blessing that she was so to the point. It avoided pleasantries that he could feel his body ache from trying to put up this effort. As she asked him if this was all worth it, looking around he still saw what Center could be. Here at the heart of the building it could have been worth it. Though there were no students of great goodness that he was building it for anymore. In fact since carving out the caves he’d been content to only sleep in this one.

This cave was not worth the loss of everything, it was however worth locking himself away at night. Here. far from his home that couldn’t bring him any warmth, and away from the campus that only brought new enemies. A chill breeze blew in and Brian fell back, seated on the table quickly enough he almost tried to play off his weariness as intentional. Though the look of a storyteller was drained from his face and the story on his lips, flew out hardly worth the seating.

“No, The cave will never be worth anything. The dream lingers here though, maybe if I worked a little harder it would come back. Same with my days maybe if I look a little further, I’ll find the cure. This place is the between, between where I want to be and where I was. I’ll toil here, searching, thinking, and working. There need be no witnesses to that. So, solitude is my companion till I find a cure, a reason, and the tattered remains of what I’ve done.”

With the clouds parted again, Brian’s eyes were cast into the light, duller than they once were, radiant blue with the red crosshairs. Turned steely and blurred with the passage of time, he’d been here quite some time as his fingers traced over the long etched symbols on the stone that was his seat.
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“No, The cave will never be worth anything. The dream lingers here though, maybe if I worked a little harder it would come back. Same with my days maybe if I look a little further, I’ll find the cure. This place is the between, between where I want to be and where I was. I’ll toil here, searching, thinking, and working. There need be no witnesses to that. So, solitude is my companion till I find a cure, a reason, and the tattered remains of what I’ve done.”

(So, that was it, then. That was the long and the short of it, essentially. This guy, whoever he was, had isolated himself for reasons of that he either could not or would not live with what life had thrown him. Elisa knew about things like this. It was why she felt alone, even back on Moonia with family. Something, everything, was always missing. She could see that on the other guy's face. In her most private of moments while alone and unobserved, Elisa would sit and just let go of her emotions, let 'em run freely. She wouldn't allow others to see her that way. Well, maybe now it didn't matter. That's sort of the thing, wasn't it? A clean slate? A fresh start on a new world? Well, that was fine for her. Jake only handed it to her on a silver platter. This guy? It wouldn't be the same. Elisa sighed, her temperament suddenly more stern than before.)

Elisa: Well, you're not gonna find it here. What I mean is...it's just a cave. It can't give you answers, and it won't talk back to you unless you're crazy. You're not crazy yet, are ya red-boy?

(There was a slight grin there as she was making a point, looking over at him after scanning the place with her eyes. Yup, no instant solutions here.)

Elisa: Still, you've got guts. My cave was in my room, domestic surroundings. Or just in my head. You've got it going full-hermit. What you don't know is that it's really the biggest hole in the world and you're at the bottom 'till you climb out. Heh, you think I like it any better? My fault is that I've got nothing better to do, so I didn't have an excuse to keep moping around.
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Kindred and yet not so kindred, Brian’s narrowed his eyes in response only if to get a better now final look at the girl who’s stern voice carried all the way down the cave. Robert was gone so it was true that nobody was here, he’d left on the smoky shadows of his mind. Maybe he was crazy to think his companion though these lonely nights was real, Robert felt real, sounded real, and the questions posed to him were always fruitful. It didn’t seem right to think of him as false.

Her scanning of the room was enough for Brian to grow confident that she just didn’t see him. That she didn’t understand the delicate lengths he had gone to, to understand his situation. The porcelain mask was sealing it’s cracks as he stood up again, a little steadier on his feet with growing confidence. Stepping forward as she talked about how deep a hole he had fallen into.

Somehow believing he was stepping out of the hole like he could have done it at any time. She was casting him a rope though her understanding and Brian wanted to take it, the smile on his face as he took his first step into the light cast into the cave. If it could speak it would simply say, See, I can stand.

Yet his foot didn’t step on stone in that final step, a crumple of paper caught his ear and his eyes darted down quickly. He’d cast it off the table when he demanded Robert gone, a rough sketch, an interior look to a building yet to be made. The confidence buckled, his doubts clouded his eyes, fear his second demon in shame plunged it’s hand though his back and pulled him back into the darkness as he dropped to his knees and picked up the drawing.

For every question of chasing Raine away with his actions, he secretly asked another. What if someone else had taken her, she made this picture with such care, something after those fateful nights where he stole away. What of those elements that would do her harm, take her away, study her, steal her, what of those situations, nobody had seen anything, nobody had approached him.

“I promise… I’ll keep looking.”

It wasn’t to his night visitor, he’d detached from the world once again as he held that sketch to his chest, cherished for having been tossed aside to the dirt before. Brian could not forget though, he huffed out a breath. His mask was utterly shattered by a piece of paper.

“I’m sorry… I just thought I’d be alone here. I guess you’ve got me there. There are things I could do with that light cast by the moon, things I could be doing rather than being here… Rather than living out my nights like some recluse I could be anywhere but here in this pit.”

Brian didn’t meet her gaze then, though he could see her, his eyes couldn’t justify meeting hers. He was weak and vulnerable, broken by his own whips for the failures he couldn’t help. For every day he spent out there searching masked for his intentions and pains, he came back here when he failed. Pulled out that mental whip and lashed himself for spending another day unable to find anything. Unable to get one step closer to his destination, and unable to let go of the things he could not change. Because of hope he held onto, that he could salvage his dream, which Raine would come back unlike any before her, and that his strength would return instead of sapping away into the stone around him.
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(This cave was a domicile that made Elisa wonder exactly what it was that this red-haired guy was drowning in, so to speak. He'd been a bit vague, not like it was her business and all. Still, she couldn't help but think of it, considering. Whatever he'd done, or was recovering from, it had to be peanuts to her by comparison. So many things done, both here and there... Monstrous things, murderous things... She didn't regret them all, but found that none of them - literally, absolutely nothing she had done - had ever gotten her what she really wanted. Thinking about it put a saddened look on her face. Fortunately, the other's back was turned, and she quickly withdrew it. If he wasn't talking, then neither was she. It was then that she heard him whisper, the cat-ears perking up slightly. It wasn't addressed to her. No, the next part was...)

“I’m sorry... I just thought I’d be alone here. I guess you’ve got me there. There are things I could do with that light cast by the moon, things I could be doing rather than being here... Rather than living out my nights like some recluse I could be anywhere but here in this pit.”

Elisa: And lemme guess, the only thing stopping you is you, right?

(Yeah, she could tell by looking. He'd practically given up, like she had before. She'd been broken, mentally ruined as the last support for her emotional state was destroyed before her very eyes. However, in a way, it was the only thing it helped. Elisa looked off towards the side, so he wouldn't have to make eye-contact, and spoke on.)

Elisa: I'll tell you what father told me. Sometimes, we have to go back to zero move ahead again. Things get complex and we forget what we really want. Nothing I did ever even mattered, but then after it was through, everything seemed to fall into place.

(Again, she was almost overcome by emotion, but she was holding it back.)
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Brian’s back turned slowly scraping his knees across the dirt back to the stone table as he placed the partchment down. His hands running over the paper smoothing out the wrinkles stepping on it had brought. His hands passed over the tattered edges again and again as he tried to remove the dirt from the paper. Instead he only made the tears a little deeper, and a littler wider. Looking at it, he had to stop, he couldn’t bear to risk making it any worse than the frayed, dirty, and yet priceless item it was.

The girl’s flash of sadness was caught in the moments before she chose to spoke again. Twisting in Brian like a mirror, and yet the mirror was distorted as she replaced the mask far better than he had. A slip rather than a shattered husk, Brian swallowed as the true demon of his torment was accused. Brian’s eyes crystal clear from the tears were forced to see deeper into the darkness. Saw the mask that he could wear if he would let it, white smiling, fiery red eyes that would let nothing hurt him. All he had to do was give in to the unresolved issues and he could never be hurt again.

His hands clenched, and his back shivered at the thought of letting himself go. Yet between his hands was the image of things yet to be built. Something that could never be built If he got out of his own way of being hurt. Brian’s lips pressed together, and his eyes were blured by the tears on his cheeks brought over his eyes.

The girl wanted to offer advice, start over, let things go and maybe he’ll find what he was looking for. Yet what he was looking for was what he had, just before this, he’d finally earned them. The tears flowed freely again, they tasted of salt in his mouth as it opened and closed searching for the words to explain to her, that after so many zero starts he’d finally built what he wanted. Then had it all vanish after one night.

“ahhh, I can’t, I had what I wanted. It wasn’t much, Just one person. I never thought it was a whole lot. But it was one person, for me, with me. That’s all I ever wanted. Then it was gone. I want to think, that… I could find people like her. Someone who could so fully be in my life without anything more than asking for me to do the same,”

Brian bowed his head, his tears fell on the parchment, sullying its core. Brian looked at her without casting his eyes at her. Cheated her of the truth, though the use of his powers, for not wanting to share anymore of his mask less face with her. Though he saw it in her eyes, felt that she held burdens like his own, their weight being an object of perception. His were overbearing while she had come to terms. Sharing with her had been till this point, hope reveal some strength that he could master. Yet all he had managed to do was confirm what he knew. He didn’t have the heart to cast her out, at the same time he could not face her any longer.

“Thank you… for coming.”
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“Ahhh, I can’t, I had what I wanted. It wasn’t much, Just one person. I never thought it was a whole lot. But it was one person, for me, with me. That’s all I ever wanted. Then it was gone. I want to think, that... I could find people like her. Someone who could so fully be in my life without anything more than asking for me to do the same.”

(This wasn't getting anywhere, and she was the wrong person to try. She was a patient, not the doctor. This red guy was literally going to have to bring himself out. The thing that bothered her, though, was that from the looks of things...his reactions especially...he might never get anything done. And the reason? She saw it immediately. How familiar was that look in her own eyes, that suffering at the hands of a loss so particular. It'd been a miracle that THAT didn't cripple her resolves. A long while ago in the Middle East, a man tried to destroy the world with the Heavenbreaker, and she was at his side.)

Elisa: No, not now. Not...here.

“Thank you...for coming.”

Elisa: Er, right... I'll see you around, red-boy. Maybe...

(After that, she leapt. A little too quickly? Perhaps. It was alright if you were worried about her handling the rest of the way down. She was a durable girl, after all. However, she was now angry with herself. Her resolve was not as strong as she thought. Jake had said she had no attachment to this world, that she could start over without worry. Well, unfortunately, she DID have at least one attachment.)

Elisa: Aaron...

(Perhaps the only man she had been attracted to, and he was gone. That was the real sorrow she felt that was so much like the red-haired fellow. Silently, she wished him luck...and left a little for herself.)
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