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Maid cafe mishaps; sonnet, trout, blood, niku
Topic Started: Mar 23 2009, 04:12 PM (1,028 Views)
Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

Akiba...some call it the holy land. A place of joy and sorrow, of have and have not. A place where sweaty otaku dreams can come true. And nestled within this paradise of nerds, this watering hole, this oasis in the desert of reality...was a little placed called Angel Smile. A relatively respectable cosplay cafe like any other, with the usual consistent customer base. Well...most cosplay cafe's didn't have vampires working at them, but we'd get to that later.

Gojairu rarely came to Akiba, she found the otaku culture embarassing, but...Diyu had promised cute girls! So she put on a highcollered coat, bound up her chest so as to avoid staring eyes, put her hair in a ponytail ,and pulled a baseball cap down over her eyes. gone with him. "This cafe better be good, Feng." Gojairu grumbled, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

Meanwhile, in Angel Smile...Tanya Mare had found her new feeding ground...perfect, a room full of Otaku was sure to have a few depressed lowlifes that were sure to not be missed. She got at least one nice meal a day...and had the perfect disguise. "Heres your drinks." She said with a smile as she served yet another table of appreciative fans...no one would ever suspect her of doing wrong as long as she was cute in a frilly maids outfit! Granted she didnt have much of a figure...but here, that didnt matter, girls that looked young were appreciated as well! The accepting nature of Otaku was so easy to exploit. She waved at them and went back to get the next order.

"God how did I ever stoop this low for a drink..." She grumbled.
Edited by Dust, Mar 23 2009, 04:15 PM.
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Good? The girls of angel smile are simply that. Angels whose smiles turn this into paradise on earth!" Yes, the enigmatic energetic and e-diotic (not a word but I want some alliteration dammit!) Diyu Feng had come to a maid cafe with his companion. Had it been any other girl he would have been all over her, but Go...well there were two major things keeping Diyu from hitting on Go. On one hand, he knew she too liked girls, and on the other, she was an extremely dangerous kamen rider who could probably mop the floor with him. Now, the latter actually made him more interested, seems strong women rather reminded him of his mum, which was all kinds of Freud we wont get into.

He had also brought Go because, lets face it, Diyu did not exactly have many friends. Bringing Madarame here would be an exercise in futility. The poor nerdlad would spend the entire time hiding in the corner behind a menu from the pretty girls. And even though Go did not like boys, it did not mean Diyu couldn't try to trick her into working at the cafe, and getting a good view.

Unlike his companion, Diyu was not hiding behind a costume, or a garish outfit. No, he had come proudly, in a suit he had seemingly gotten from no where. Just a crispy navy blue suit, blue undershirt and lavender tie. How he was in a tie no one knew. He was doing this just because, well, look at the maids, look at their regular customers, and now the well dressed Diyu. He slid to a table and brought Go over, his hands opening up a menu, a gleeful look on his face.

"Oh, and we're going to say it's your birthday. That way they sing and dance. Sugoi."

Where one rider is, another will follow. Where there are two, there will be a third. Then a fight usually breaks out and one or two go home. It was a strange fact that they always seemed to attract each other. Yoko Yadomitsu was one such riders, a villainess type. And was seemingly working at the cafe. Wait what?

Why was a Japanese motorcycle gang leader, a member of a prestigious religious school, with a list of police infractions the distance of Olympic javelin throwers doing dressed as a maid in an otaku den?

She needed money for new parts for her motorcycle. There. Surprisingly simple neh? The girl fixed her apron and slammed her hand down on a table, scaring two nervous otaku. "WHATYAHAVE!" Frightening customers, still a type that otakus surprisingly craved and appreciated.
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
It has to be said, there are some people in life who just have the WORST social circle imaginable. Carniku Inuzuki is one such person. His best friend was a short little red child who was, as he spoke, trying to annex a part of Japan by using sticky-tape and a pair of scissors; his father was nothing short of certifiably insane and his mother seemed to only aggrevate this by beating him within an inch of his life. As such, he wasn't surprised his friend Kouji asked him to accompany him to a cafe in Akihabara. He was surprised that when they got there it was a maid cafe. But he felt his first sensation of genuine, head turning surprise when he heard Kouji's dissatisfied reaction
"Awful... of all the places to have to research" He snarled in disgust as he entered the place, showing the rule of Riders to be devestatingly true as his brown haired friend followed reluctantly behind.

Kouji's disgusted face was magnified as he saw the maid's serving the different tables, his expression was one pulled directly from one of Ganshima's different methods. Carniku weaved past him and frowned slightly at the exposed scene
"Dude... why did you bring me here?"
"I'm chasing a lead, there might be a Virtubeast here in disguise."
"...That's the lamest excuse for coming into a maid cafe, EVER"
"Shut the hell up, Inuzuki"
"Whatever dude, I- uhhhh" Oh crap... it was her, the girl who's name he'd had to find out. He'd DONE it but he'd needed Kouji's help and a crowbar to get into the governments office and St Lily's registration (he was still unsure how he survived the last one), but he had it. He knew her name... was this REALLY the place to ask her out though? I mean... while she was dressed as a sexy maid?

Carniku watched as Kouji approached a maid and glared intimidatingly
"Alright you, are you the monster? Huh? Spill the beans!"
"Ehh? Ummm, Master why are you-"
"Don't you master me! I need a name!"
"I... I don't know what-"
"Damnit all, tell me what I want to know or you'll be feeding Jesus his slightly undercooked Omurice in Heaven!"
"I... I don't..." It was kind of hard to watch a 28 year old woman struggling to remember her training and Carniku could only sigh and pinch his nose as he waited for security to come and escort them out.
Probably via the window.
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Sonnet
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Fear the Crutch Tsundere!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Danielle hobbled along the cafe with a look of sheer unadulterated frustration on her face. She was in fact working as a waitress with all the indignity it entailed. Now Dani didn't really have that much of a financial problem but when you were a geek within commuting distance to Akihabara...well suffice to say that more than a little extra cash never hurt.

So there she was in all her five foot nothing glory, wearing a maid outfit and crutches. The last addition was the idea of the business-savvy owner who had to bribe her with an extra wad of cash to make her agree.

"Here's your tea," she said sourly, holding the tray out to them so they could get their drinks. Her dark disposition didn't make her unpopular unfortunately. Dani was all too painfully aware of what a big draw she was. She was short, foreign and tsundere and there was nothing she could do about it. This knowledge served to fuel her annoyance which in turn made her even more popular among the regulars.

Dani wanted to groan.
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Blood
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/nɒn ˈsɛkwɪtər/

Oh god. Dear lord, were they making her do this? ...Oh yeah, money. The heels they were making her wear almost weren't worth the mone- Oh dear god, the pushup bra they made her wear started to ride up on her chest that... wasn't really there.

Tiny little Chika situated all her dirty plates into one hand, trying futilely to pull the godforsaken helping bra down ONTO her boobs. But damned if it wasn't working. Glancing warily at all the girls that did have enough to fill the horrible bra they made her wear, She shuffled off to the kitchen, sitting down all her plates, and angrily situating the horrible thing.

"Grawgh, now where in the world did the tea g - oh, there it is," She grabbed the pitcher of tea, trying to find a place to serve someone. She figured as long as she was walking around with a pitcher of something, they wouldn't yell at her to stop loitering...
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

"Ooh, my birthday! Clever dog, you!" Gojairu said grinning, it was a devious plan, now...what to get. She opened the menu...but was more distracted by scenery...a tsundere on sticks, a cute innocent girl (acctually a vampire), glasses tsundere! Gojairu had to hide how red her face was "Now I understand...I understand so well." She mumbled, a small trail of blood falling from her nose. "So, Feng...which one should we have service us- serve us! ....what are you getting?" Maybe she should just go home~

Tanya smelled that blood and dropped the coffee she was delivering...on an angry detective who was badgering one of the maids, "Oh...oh gosh, I am so sorry!" She fretted, trying to clean Kouji off with a handkerchief. Stupid customers, when she took over the city...first thing she would do would be to wipe Akibahara off the map!

"Nosebleeds...they set me off every time."Tanya muttered inwardly.
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"It takes grand fortitude and challenge to come here and see these grand flowers of womanhood and not gush blood onto the table. To oogle them without fear of reprimand." Oh god Diyu, please stop. We'll give you money to stop...oh, he's already talking some more. Great. "I am the man that will stand at the zenith of oogling." Yeah, it could just be getting worse. As long as it did not become a grand oogling challenge. Which to be honest, would not surprise anyone familiar with the riders in the least.

"Hm? Right. Uh, haven't looked at the menu quite yet. It is the grand secret technique of the bloodline." He spouted some chinese characters, which hung in the air for a moment, before providing the laziest translation. "Out of sight admiration!" Okay, he totally made that up, but come on. How could he not at this point. "But hmm, we should probably start with some coffee. Maybe some soba. Have to decide on the beauty of the waitress. Why don't you pick one out?"

Ah, now for Yoko's portion of this. She saw the boy wandering around and declaring people villains. Well, there were stronger and more committed employees at this place to take care of him. She in turn decided to go to one of the few customers that seemed to not have been helped. Of course looking at her order pad to avoid dealing with the crazy person. It really helped to have an excuse like that. If anyone in upper ranks bothered her, hey she could just say she was looking at orders and helping a customer. Problem solved! So in this fashion of thinking did she approach Carniku, saying the line she had been trained to spout again and again through the day.

"Hello master!" Yes, actually said cheery, her notebook sliding into the apron that was forced on her. She smiled while saying this, not daring to open her eyes for a few moments. She feared it was another hateful foul otaku that had come to seek refuge in here. "How about we sit you down over-" Ah, see, now she opened her eyes, and saw who it was. Her smile turned into an angry grimace and she appeared to get a blunt wood object out of no where, slamming it down onto her palm.

"I am required to call you master and say polite things if you're going to pay. But as god as my witness I will break you for this." She said through angry grit teeth.
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

"That must be chinese for bullshit, feng." Gojairu scoffed grinning as Diyu tooted his own horn more...really, what an idiot. "Crutch Tsundere, Crutch Tsudere!" Gojairu pipped up cheerily on the decision of the maid, "Come serve us food~" She called out to Dani, she'd regret being a loud obnoxious pervert later.

(short posts, but it moves things along more for sonnet)
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
Oh dear... Kouji was not one to take having coffee spilt on him well, even as the handkerchief started dabbing him his eyes glared down with the fury that only someone who doesn't understand normal human morality can muster. Like a very sheltered monk or PETA protesters.
"You... the burning sensation on the back of my neck... running down my spine... what is this? The bitterest of beans... YOU MUST BE THE MONSTER!" He wheeled on Tanya, yo-yo in hand and belt suddenly on display and had a look in his eyes that even the most deranged of people would find disconcerting, his face was going the same red as the steadily burning patch on his back as he'd refused to be dabbed off by this maid. Dabbed off! It almost sounded SEXUAL! All he needed now was a confession, that's all he needed... it was about this time he realised just how badly leaving scalding hot coffee on you is and how much it can hurt
"IT BURNS!!" He roared finally, dropping to his knees and clasping his neck "It burns! It burns with the fire of... of... of something so hot I can't even imagine it! Is it the Flame of JUSTICE!?" Kouji wound up running in circles on the floor with both hands clasped on his neck in one of the most bizarre displays the maid cafe was likely to ever see.

Though, maybe not TOO bizarre since Carniku was now reeling with what he believed was a borderline schizophrenic. The girl had come up and been so... POLITE, hell it was like having a submissive wife and he had no idea how THAT relationship would work. In his family man and woman only came together through violence and fear, with an undercurrent of love and an overcurrent of lust. It was soon abated when she conjured a wooden stick from somewhere (NO! Bad imagination!) and threatened him, informing him that she was paid to talk like this
"I, uhhh... I really wish you wouldn't talk like a maid. It is breaking my mind as we speak... I'm not here to be served or anything, my friends looking for monsters..." Carniku glanced over to check "On the floor..." Well, that was just great
"I don't suppose you've seen anything like that?... Oh yeah, I found your name, by the way. And don't worry about serving me, really. I honestly have no idea why your working here and I'm not really into maids that much" May as well be honest, he was tempted to add he apparently WAS into female delinquents buuuuut that can just be left to slide.
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Okay, see, this is why Go made for such a great partner for Diyu. She did not take his bullshit. Really, most people rolled their eyes or laughed when it came to him talking, but this girl...just called him right on it. Perfect for adventurous team ups. He gave a smile and closed the menu, crossing his legs and leaning back in his chair, enjoying the views of the pretty maids as they walked around. There was every kind for otakus tastes. There was an angry tsuntsun maid, some tsunderes, and even a deredere that seemed to be having trouble with her bra. Oh, was this a wonderful trip!

"Ahhh, so that one is your type eh?" Diyu leaned forward, a creepy smile on his face, his fingers tugging on Go's cheek. Hey, had to give a bit of teasing.

Ah Yoko, no matter where you went, there seemed to be this boy. Was he tied to you by the red strings of fate? Or was he some form of stalker? No, no matter what she had to deal with him here, at her work. Which generally meant she was not allowed to pummel him senseless unless he was causing trouble. He grab a girl's ass she could pound his face in, best he behaved himself as she looked for an excuse to hurt him. The girl gave him the stink eye as she rested the wooden weapon on her shoulder, yes she had a plan.

"This is my job. I have to read you those lines." She turned her head to see his friend, getting into trouble with another maid. Well, if he got kicked out, it might be an excuse to throw out Carniku. "And that isn't how it works. You came in here, you are going to sit your ass down, order some tea. And are going to leave me your entire wallet for a tip. Get it?" She gestured to a table to the side. A ratty shabby table, not that she cared about it. Then, after a brief moment what the boy had said sunk in. He figured out her name? THE AGREEMENT. Ugh, at the pool. She pushed a few strands of hair that had come under her headband behind her ears, it was an excuse to hold her hand over her face to hide the quick blush. How could she have been so stupid? HOW!

"Yeah. I'm going to have to call your bluff on knowing my name...master." The last bit she added on, quickly. Because one of her coworkers was in earshot. She was not going to get caught being rude to this guy, not losing her job for him. At least, not without getting all his cash first.
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Sonnet
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Fear the Crutch Tsundere!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Danielle winced she heard Gojairu refer to him as 'crutch tsundere.' Calm down, woman, she thought to herself in an attempt to maintain her sanity. She walked over, opened the small booklet in her hand and took a pen before turning to look at Gojairu...and Diyu.

Her eyes narrowed. She remembered Diyu. He had been one of those assholes who gave her trouble in the library. Annoying her was one thing, chucking books around another thing entirely. She gritted her teeth.

"Alright, what will it be," she said. She was taking their order. This probably wasn't a good sign.
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

Where had she seen this girl before...hm...ah well. "I'll have earl grey tea, and crumpets...if ya got em." Gojairu said smiling at Dani, who seemed to be looking at her male cohort with...stink eyes. Yyyup, genuine dislike.

"Oh boy Diyu, did you try to pick this girl up too?...or probly ditch her on a date or something." Gojairu said looking from Diyu to Dani.


Meanwhile...Tanya just...stared...dumbfounded. That is until the man called her a monster. "Monster?..." She bellowed incredulously. "Shit...does he know I'm a..?...Seems I'll just have to kill him." She thought to herself, "Sir please if you'll come with me back to the kitchens we can get you cleaned up." She offered to the man scrabbling about on the floor like an idiot.
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
Ohhhh, dear. See, any normal person would just nod their agreement and follow quietly. Kouji leapt to his feet glared powerfully and performed a pose we can only call 'Phoenix Wright' as he lunged forward with an accusatory finger
"You'd like me to do JUST that wouldn't you! No doubt so you can transform into your Virtual Beast form and try and defeat me for Akuma, huh? HUH!? Tell me where the bomb is!... I mean, your boss!" Sadly for Kouji, this was overheard by one of the maids who suddenly realised that, hell, she COULD fetch her boss... and have this raving lunatic thrown out of the shop. Kouji's glare was solid and his belt proudly on display to such a degree that one of the Otaku's at the table was actually leaning in and prodding it from the strange angle he was standing at. He swallowed awkwardly as his own maid was staring in shock at the scene and asked quietly to Kouji
"Can... can I have a look at this?"
"You may not"
"Awww, why?"
"Well, I might have to Henshin soon for one. And for another you are disgusting loathsome piece of human excrement that was clearly apt at dodging coat-hangers"

There are some things you don't want to hear a friend say, and the physical cringe that ran over Carniku illustrated this well as he looked through a clasped hand at the display going on behind him, Kouji wasn't leaving this place through the door, that was certain. He was probably going to leave through the window. Maybe even two SEPERATE windows if he kept this up... Yoko claimed she was calling his bluff and the added master on the end nearly caused a second cringe as he idly pulled out a folded sheet of people
"Yoko Yadomitsu, code-name Delinquent. Despite all his pious grand-standing, the dude over there's actually good at stealing vital information in the pursuit of justice" Carniku grinned at her, there was a picture to go with this name but he wasn't about to show her that now, wait and see if she tried to deny it first. He probably shouldn't mention it was her CRIMINAL record and the only copy. He meant it as a nice gesture to show she didn't have to worry about her future as much, but she'd probably turn it against him. He'd forgotten about the borders that showed it was a police document but, hey, right now he was worried he'd have to get into a fight with a bunch of MAIDS.

Following orders, he sat down on the shabby table and idly flicked some curling hairs and what looked disconcertingly like part of a condom wrapped onto the floor as he held his hand in the air
"One green tea please, Yoko-chan" He was already dead, may as well make sure she was so angry it'd be quick and painless. He kept his eyes open and pondered to himself, was there really a Virtubeast here? Or was Ganshima messing with Kouji? He never could tell with that crazy guy... He idly plopped his wallet on the table after removing his I.D and Student Card. There was a couple of yen in there but probably not as much as Yoko wished and no credit card. Ryden told him if he really wanted it to just steal it so... yeah. No solid bank account for Niku...
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"No. I don't think I would have missed a date with a beautiful flower like her." Oh Diyu, he did not remember much at all. That was for the best. No really. If he remembered picking on her way back when he was with the little gang, he'd be spending this entire time making grand speeches and trying to make it up to her with the power of love and friendship. Or something like that. Yet again it pays to have Go in this adventure with him, she would not put up with his shit.

"Sorry love. I just can't place where I know you. But, I think I'll take some fine earl grey, and a scone." Ah, not bad for an order. He closed his menu and offered it up.

So Carniku didn't discover it on his own. He needed Mr. Justice to figure things out? Well that certainly brought him down a few pegs. Especially since wasn't Carniku Mr. Justice in the first place? And what kind of hero breaks into things! Bah. She had hoped that the task would have been impossible considering he knew nothing other then she went to St. Lily, and there weren't any pictures of her to show people, should have known better. She slammed her hand onto the table and gave him a deadly glare. What else could she do at this point?

"Yoko-chan? I...gra..gonna...Grrr." She was actually at a loss for words. Carniku had some how gotten so under her skin by that seemingly simple act, that she no longer could articulate any hate. Instead she just snatched up the wallet off the table. How could he have been this damn lucky? There was some catch out there. Well, simply said she wandered off to the kitchen, where it was quick enough to get some tea. So lets give only a brief reprieve for the boy, before Yoko returned with his tea.

She put it on the table and slammed herself down into the chair across from him, glowering, blunt weapon of pain still in her hand. "Fine. You got the date you wanted. But if you think for an instant I'm going to forget the crap you pulled on me before, you're very mistaken."
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

Tanya smiled, taking a hold of the arm of Kouji's coat, barely able to keep her fangs back with how infuriating this man was! "Sir, leave her alone and let me assist you...." She should have called him master, but only one man would ever be worthy of that name. She tugged him back towards the kitchen, hoping she could end this quickly.

(Short but...eh.)
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
Kouji was dragged through to the kitchen, heels dragging and a look of indignity and rage on his face. He nodded violently as he went, his face determined and set
"Hmmm! I see! Trying to kill me in secret, I see. MY JUSTICE HENSHIN WILL DESTROY ALL EVIL!!"
He vanished through the main kitchen doors and left Carniku with a worrying sensation that he ought to make sure he was going to survive... but that could wait, he had a hot girl in a maid outfit to contend with now who seemed to leave just as Kouji vanished inside.

Yoko did not seem pleased with him, no, no she did not.
"Cool, glad to see I'm getting somewhere" He grinned broadly, it was kinda fun to mess with her. He sipped the hot tea for a second before suddenly having an awful but very plausible realisation. Yoko had prepared his tea. The psycho woman. She could have slipped a huge dose of poison into this... he should probably not have just drunk it down. Ah well, it was only a small sip, he should be OK. He lowered the cup and smiled at her again, ahhh that pretty little scowl and look of pure hate, it was so endearing.
"Hey, why are you working here anyway? I would have thought you'd be the bouncer. Or the one that ground tea leaves by staring at them. I mean, you look good in the outfit but... you aren't really the submissive type" He was bulletproof as long as they were in here! If he didn't ask now he'd never get a chance. Not to mention, if Kouji was any indication, they'd be leaving soon anyway.

Speaking of that nut-job, Kouji had gotten to his feet across from Tanya and was brandishing his yo-yo threateningly
"SO! What Virtubeast are you, huh? The VirtuFlamingo, Nature's closet homosexual? The VirtuOctopus, Nature's Hentai Fiend? NO! Naruhodo, the VirtuHippo! Nature's menstruating woman!"
... to a WOMAN Kouji? Really?
Edited by Carniku, Mar 26 2009, 09:48 AM.
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Either the boy grew major cajones the size of Jupiter, or he realized that Yoko could not pummel him on the job without losing it. And she needed the job to afford those bike parts. Eh. Much more of this and she might as well just steal the parts. Or go to his house at night and wreck up the place, she knew the name of the dojo and everything, not like he'd be hard to find. Or she could steal his school record like he'd done. That little bastard had committed a crime for her. Hmm, should probably take that into account before pummeling him. Naaaaah.

"Course I'm not the goddamn submissive type." She reached across the table, taking the cup of tea he had set down and started drinking it herself. What? She was supposed to be afraid of cooties? Sorry kids, there was no such things as cooties, cootie shots, cootie shields or cootie insurance. Go yell at American family insurance if they took your money. Well, the girl slurped on the tea before pushing it down on the table. How did this guy get the cajones? It was very much unlike him.

"Just needed money for bike parts. Less hassle then knocking over mini-marts. Or beating up idiots that ruin girl's times at dances and taking their money." Yeah, she was still a bit bitter, sliding the tea back across towards him. What was she supposed to do? Besides, parts of this crowd just loved her tsuntsun image. "The question is what are you doing here eh? Lying and saying you don't like maids. Bet you want your women silent and serving you through life."
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Sonnet
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Fear the Crutch Tsundere!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"And you?" she asked, looking at Go.

She took their order promptly and stalked off. Well, stalked off as well as a person could with a crutch. At the back, she had their orders prepared and then she went out of her way to grab twenty bottles of hot sauce, which she then emptied out into their drinks.

She walked out, delivering their order. "Here you are," he said before going out to take the order of another customer.
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

"I dont menstrate anymore." Tanya said grinning, grabbing the detective by the kitchen. "We need to talk privately, I think." She opened the door to the alley out back, tossing the hothead clueso out on his was, closing the door behind her. "What do you know...who sent you!" She demanded, pointing a finger at him...almost like he had done not a second before.

Gojariu squealed in delight as they're tea came to the table, "Thank you crutch tsundere!" Gojairu said smiling at Dani, taking a sip of her tea...this was bliss. "We need to come here every week, feng! This is just what I nee..eee....eeeeyaaaaaaaaah!"

Inigo Montoya: Do you hear that Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The Man in-

Random maid:..please sir, just leave...


(could you resist that joke? I dont fucking think so! X3)
Edited by Dust, Mar 27 2009, 02:38 PM.
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
Carniku was... well, she made a good point. Did he really wanna try and pursue a relationship with a girl who was, if he boiled it right down to it, at least as violent as his father? She may be hot, fiery and quick enough to make sure he never got as STUPID as his dad. But... was that worth all the beatings she was quite likely to administer? Was he that much of a masochist? If he dug deep down into his psyche... was he into that kinky crap? If he remembered their first meeting she'd been flirting with him the entire time... well, flirting, having phone-sex minus the phone with him. Seriously, if she turned out to be a virgin he had absolutely NO idea how he was going to react. Speaking of react, he'd been staring into space for like a minute now, he needed to answer soon.
...
Soon, damnit! Stop day-dreaming, Niku, you ASS!
"Actually, I like girls like you. Submissive girls kind of get... well, THAT" He waved at Go and Diyu, he knew Diyu and he'd heard of Go, he was waiting for the obligatory "Kyyaaaaaaaa" to echo around the shop that would no doubt herald the messiah of love's prompt exit. Probably followed by him and Kouji if he wasn't already transformed and proving himself a crappy Kamen Rider by attacking some defenceless nurses. He hadn't heard a shout of Justice for a while now, maybe he really was in trouble...
"So yeah, I found out your name, don't suppose you feel like enlightening me to more details. I didn't read most of your record, figured it might be an invasion privacy. That sound good? Yoko-chan?" This smile could break BRICKS it was so powerful.

___________

Speaking of powerful, Kouji had managed to adopt a perfect counter pose in the alley with his finger-tip just making contact with Tanya's as he performed, what he thought, was his usual perfect crime summary solution. It was about here the theme music started off slow so it could accelerate into the full worded version once the enemy transformed. To compensate, Kouji started his MP3 player going with a small plug-in speaker loosing his poor tastes in J-Rock to the world.

"I know everything! You were a maid in this cafe which, no doubt, exposed you to the scum of society! I've SEEN your clientele and understand why you might wish to harm them but murder is too far! At some point Kamen Rider Akuma found you and infected you with the Digital Virus he has perfected to transform you into... well, I don't know what animal exactly, usually this is where your eyes go green and you transform"
Kouji admitted as he slotted the Yo-yo into the dock on his belt and stood ready, he drew his arm back and thrust it forward again, palm open and shouted
"ISN'T THAT RIGHT!!?"
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
A crutch tsundere, the most powerful surprise foe they could ever have. In fact, she might just be the duo's mortal foe! Their ultimate nemesis! Then again, she wouldn't get much spotlight, them only teaming up every so often. Delicious victory of a tsundere, the greatest weakness of a dangerously easy love struck boy! Well, at least there was tea finally. Yes, sweet delicious tea. Being a gentleman and someone deadly afraid of the crutch tsundere's wrath, he let Go take the first sip. And boy did it prove to be for Diyu's best judgment.

"Ha, you obviously got the tsun!" Oh no. Goddamn Diyu's insane brain working functions. He was legitimately brain damaged, though people would claim worse. At least he was cute...somewhat. "That means mine must be the dere!" Thus did he take a drink. And fall into a world of pain.

That is how the boy started running back and forth across the cafe, waving his hands wildly in the air as fire burst out of his mouth. Someone needs to get this kid some water.

That Yoko would not be thinking about her first meeting with him. About how he had gotten her to the ground, stolen her greatest power and generally beaten her in a hand to hand fight. Honestly it had excited her just a bit, though if asked she'd just say it annoyed the crap out of her and made her want to punch him even more. Never let the girl talk about her feelings, it was just best to think there weren't any. And the second time they met, when it had been her plan to torture him in a back room to get information out, and instead he ended up dancing, stealing her first kiss, and embarrassing her in public. And finally, at the pool, he had seen her in a bikini and gotten a face full of her chest. She had to be reminded why she didn't just kill him.

Right, lil' Niky there was cute. And actually had taken the bet she had agreed to. While Yoko was known to lie and destroy people, she did not break her promises. He then made a gesture about how he didn't like submissive girls. Pointing to crutch tsundere torturing the two eaters. "...submissive girls put spices in your drinks?" Well, he didn't like them. So that made Yoko guess he wanted her to beat him, to make him clean her shoes and torture him all the time. That sounded exhausting.

"Figure you stealing my file for any reason is an invasion of privacy." Okay a bit bitter. But she was being honest. Taking the rest of his tea, drinking it down and placing the glass upside down in front of the boy. She was not very intimidating right now. Needed to amp it up for bigger tips from certain otaku. "Fine. You still earned the date. Where and when?"
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

"THAT IS....what." Tanya's face turned from a vicious snarl to complete confusion as the man presented his accusation. "N-no...no I'm...I am a vampire you idiot! I suck the blood of the pathetic humans that inhabit this den of sin...I'm not some...digital whatever! How dare you think so lowly of me you......" Oh crap...she had just told him. Well NOW she HAD to kill him! She quickly thrust the knife towards him, aiming to pierce his chest and just end it quick. She'd blame it on some passing bum, but surely fate had other plans for her and the detective.
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
Kouji blinked a few times at the woman
"eh? Vampire?" She seemed angry now and lunged towards him, knife ready! What would he do here? Would he transform and fight? Would he try and disarm her. No! He... dodged to one side and casually walked past her... wait, what?
"Sorry, that was my fault. Enjoy the rest of your day" He actually smiled at that. This probably needs a breakdown for those of you reading this since Kouji's psychology is... well, it's all messed up to hell. Essentially it boils down to his main objectives

1. To find the Virtubeast
2. To act like Rorschach

As he was looking for the beast, and this woman was a Vampire, he had no reason to bother her. With a smile on his face he prowled into the kitchen again and stroked his chin thoughtfully, paying no attention to Tanya behind him as he considered what he'd seen thus far. Someone here was posessed by a Virtubeast, but the question was still who? To be fair, a Vampire prowling around drinking the blood of these fools might be GOOD for them. He nodded and glanced around the kitchen, he hadn't seen the cook yet... that was weird.

______

Carniku was sort of worried how Kouji was doing, and more worried that the 'Crutch Tsundere' was proving anything but submissive judging by Diyu's reaction. But, right now he had to think of a time and place for him and Yoko to have a date. Well, while he was feeling brave...
"How about the movies? Dunno what day though, how about you give me your cellphone number and I'll call you to arrange a time" Oh my GOOOOD! The dynamic and perfectly executed, 'well, I need your phone number tactic! My stars, will this succeed? This is the kind of technique that only those of ULTIMATE manliness could use! Clearly, Carniku had been getting up early with the cries of his Kivat Alarm clock screaming "WAKE UP!" in his ear to motivate him to new peaks of utter MASCULINITY! If it is possible to be TOO straight, why Carniku may have just broken these limits and... OK, Hyberole aside, it was a pretty brave gesture to just ask straight out like that.

Carniku was starting to wonder what had happened to Kouji though, he wanted to spend more time getting to know Yoko and since he'd already dug his own grave he could ask her the big ones like "So, what cup size are you" and "Do you swallow?" without fear of immediate death. But with great likelihood of it once he stepped outside. It was bizarrely relieving to know he would die soon... messily too, she was probably going to run him down outside and bash through his unbreakable skull (he knew she could manage it too). Maybe he should go to the kitchen and have a look...
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Sonnet
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Fear the Crutch Tsundere!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Unfortunately for Diyu, there was no water with any of the maids at the moment. There was only Dani...and a pot of hot tea. She hobbled over towards the likeliest location Diyu's path was taking and then waited.

When Diyu finally went past, Danielle tiptoed and dropped the tea straight into his mouth. It had the effect of taking out the fire, yes, but this is still some very hot tea we're talking about here.

The Crutch Tsundere was a worthy supervillain indeed.
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
He had learned some things hadn't he? At least, he learned he can say whatever the hell he wanted while she was working and the girl couldn't murder him until he left. Hmm, how to get him after that? Wait no. She still owed him a date. Even though Yoko was a dangerous, and rather crazy liar, she made the deal and he had succeeded. She couldn't weasel her way out of it. Her cellphone though, him, it was a rather personal thing wasn't it? She made an annoyed pout before digging into her pocket to retrieve her cellphone. Technically she wasn't supposed to carry it on duty. But she also wasn't supposed to threaten guests, sit down with them and drink their tea. It wasn't a host club after all.

It was not a large phone, but it flipped, a bright cherry red with a dangling keychain frog on the side. It was actually a far cuter kind of cell then one would expect Yoko of all people to have. She flipped it open, thumbed a few keys and held it out for him to see the number. "Fine, a movie it is. But I swear if this number gets out, you tell anyone, or any of my friends find out of it. I am breaking every bone in your body. Regardless how strong they are." She wasn't completely sweet. What did you expect?

Wonder what other purely bizarre things that lad could come up with while he had her sitting at his table, knowing that she couldn't kill him there.

--

CURSE YOU CRUTCH TSUNDERE! Totally on the Tsun part by now too. Especially when she turned pure super villain and poured burning hot tea down Diyu's throat. Man, this maid cafe was a pure disaster! The boy was on fire in his gut, and ended up making a strange inhuman groan before slamming onto a thankfully empty table, knocking it over and passing out over the knocked over item. Crutch tsundere won, there was no doubt about that.
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

"But its...its my birthdaaay!" Gojairu screamed, writhing on the floor. This battle had been lost, but...the war had not. "Counter attack..." Gojairu hissed, getting up slowly, "The only way to stop a tsundere...is to exploit her weakness so she becomes more dere than tsun...and so."

She wheeled around, pointing a finger at Danielle, putting her foot up dramatically on the table, "FEAR NOT CRUTCH TSUNDERE, FOR ALTHOUGH YOU ARE CRIPPLED AS TINY TIM WAS IN A CHRISTMAS CAROL, I WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR SMILE!"

A corny anime line, a Charles Dickens refrence...this couldnt get much worse.

-----------

"You- wha...wait!" Tanya was flabbergasted, how wrong she had been...and he had waved her off like nothing, she was a VAMPIRE! scourge of the night! The night, god damnit! "Come back here!" She screamed, stomping after him. "Do not ignore me! You still know too much and I'm still going to have to kill you so stay still!!"

(The cook can indeed turn into a virtubeast if you like.)
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
"Like I said!" Kouji said as he once more ducked to walk past her, "I don't have an interest in you. It's my fault Akuma's going around infecting people so it's my responsibility to fight the one's he's created. You're free to feed on whoever you like Ms Vampire, provided you do it in a sanitary manner" He announced trying to channel his usual police-man like energy. But the real question was whether he could find the Virtubeast that was meant to be in here.

The cook leant his head around the corner a long pale face with a grim expression, a thick cut down one side of his face and large calloused hands. It was... slightly alarming. This was not the face of someone he expected to be preparing tea. In fact, he dreaded to think what he'd see this person doing with a knife. The cook groaned loud and clear as luminous green light spread in lines over his body
"Ah! THAT's what I mean! So you're the Virtubeast?"
There was a flash of green light and a high pitched screech that cracked a glass besides the young detective. The monstrous body standing across from him was dark blue in colour with the neck and shoulders merging into one, isometric fins for its hands and a long sharp blade coming from the base of it's head. Kouji tugged the ripchord on his belt and felt the Yo-Yo spin out of control, he was kind of interested in this guy now as he folded his arms and looked slightly smug
"Ahhh, Vampire-San, to let such a thing happen in your restaurant. Sloppy, sloppy. Henshin" He added to finish the transformation. The blue armour of Kamen Rider Revo clad his body now, the red lenses of his eyes staring inscrutinably at the monster snarling across from him
"So, your animal is-"
"I'M A SHARK!" The cook shouted. Kouji blinked behind his armour and did slight double-take
"I see... A Shark, nature's deadliest-"
"I'M A SHAAAARK!"
"I heard you first time, now are we going to..." Kouji suddenly stopped as he realised what this was going to be "No, nononono, you aren't-"
"SUCK MY-"
"NO!" A metal plated fist crashed with shocking velocity into the side of the Shark Virtubeast's head and sent it staggering backwards into the alley. With a desperate look to the Vampire Maid Kouji pointed indignantly
"Can you believe that!? I swear DEVILSOUL's just messing with me now!"

_________

Carniku wrote down the numbers in his own phone while screams from an insane woman about Tsundere's rang in his ears, he snapped his phone shut finally and froze as he was putting it in his pocket
"Uh-oh..." Carniku looked around, suddenly worried "I think heard a Henshin and an internet reference in the same minute, that probably means something happened to Kouji. Frickin idiot" Oh the dilemma! Did he just keep talking? Should he go and see if Kouji needed any help?

After some deliberation he finally decided he had inverse karma, every time he did something GOOD he suffered for it. So, he was just going to sit here, drink some tea, and talk to Yoko. Maybe try and convince her not to kill him. That'd be fun. But then he remembered that he wouldn't manage it. That was the nice guy route, he had to try and be more of a bad-ass, what would a bad-ass ask?
"Ah he can take care of himself, Kamen Rider and all that" Carniku was trying to gather his courage but was finding it failing, he'd done so much already! Could he really get any worse? He had to try! This was his one chance! He wouldn't get another!
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Sonnet
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Fear the Crutch Tsundere!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Danielle turned around and looked at Go. All well and good except for two things. The fact that the tsundere thing was just a gimmick and the fact that she wasn't really smiling now, was she? She turned away from Go and hobbled away into the back. When she returned, she shoved a piece of paper Go's way.

It was their bill. Now everything was expensive in Japan and she had just emptied out a whole pitcher of tea in Diyu's throat. She had of course charged it to the two of them.
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Dust
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I was walking with the ghost

Gojairu had won! Obviously the girl went back to the kitchens to hide the maidenly blush that had tinted her cheeks, and would now fall madly in love with her, knit her a muffler, valentines day chocolate would be next, then walking home from school...where she would reveal her dark and mysterious past, and then...once its all said and done...the H-scen-

Gojairu picked up the little piece of paper, her eyes widened in shock. "Th-this is...I cant..." Gojairu looked around, exits...front and back of the shop. She could make it. She grabbed Diyu by the back of the shirt, "This isnt over, crutch tsundere!" She shouted, and bolted, tripping over her own feet and crashing into more expensive things no doubt.

-------

Shark?...Transformation? They'd need to find a new cook...she never had really liked him anyway. Ugh...maybe she could just clock out early and go home, enough was enough.

"Ah...no I cannot believe it..." Tanya sighed, indulging him at least that much, "I am feeling tired, I'm going home." She said walking away to go change and tromp back to AHS to sleep. "See you around, Detective-chan." She said with a smile, walking into the alley and away.
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Mr. Trout
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Henshin boogy
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
It seemed to be a fact that anyone affected with being a rider was certifiably insane. Look at Go, standing on a table vowing victory and love over crutch tsundere, we had Kouji chasing a vampire and hunting virtuabests. And we had Diyu, writhing on the floor in great pain after being defeated by a very angry crutch tsundere. So it was no grand surprise if Yoko was indeed frightening, look at what she had to deal with near daily!

Oh right, Diyu. Grabbed by the collar and dragged. He was still extremely delirious, his insides burning and in pain. He could face giant monsters of any sword, defeat gods and demons. But he was brought to his knees by the beauty of a single girl. Had he the chance he would be proclaiming things and talk about her grand crutch of justice, but instead he was quite out of it and being dragged off by Go. Too bad really.

--

"Pfft, just being a masked rider doesn't make you able to handle yourself. Look at them." She thumbed over her shoulder to Go and Diyu, having been utterly destroyed by Dani, and charged for it. They gave her entire genre of powers a terrible name. So bad in fact, that Yoko was not even secret about her plan to END THEM. To steal their cards which, probably wouldn't work for her even if they had them, but it was her plan. Easier to catch them without their belt too.

"Damn idiots is all I ever end up seeing." She gave that boy a very hard glare. She was implying it of course, saying it would just have been cruel. She already owed him a date, and unfortunately as long as he sat here in this cafe, all she could do was glare. Even if the manager came out and declared there was no tsun in his cafe. She snapped her cell phone back closed and slid it into her pocket. It was strange that she was putting up with him so much.

"But did you really just come down here to talk about your friend? Or are you really trying to set me up with him rather then you?" Ah, poke the bear.
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Carniku
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the eternal badass
[ *  * ]
Kouji's battle in the alley was quickly becoming one sided as he performed a style of punches we can only describe as pummeling. While it'd be hard to describe exactly the style of punches involved I think if you youtubed "The Dempsey Roll" you'd get an idea what he was doing to the poor Shark Virtubeast. Finishing with a Straight, he turned his back to the monster as he casually wrenched the handle-bars from off his bike and slotted them into the appropriate joint in his boot. He saw the Vampire woman leave and turned to give her his full attention, his boot still thrumming with energy on the spot
"Have a safe walk home, Vampire-San. It was nice to meet you"
"I'm a SHAAAAAAAARK-"
"RIDER KICK!" Revo leapt into the air, a small crackle of energy and his body spiralled down in a drilling movement to kick directly into the monsters chest. There was an indignant roar as the creature exploded and Kouji removed the Twist Render from his belt. As his armour retreated back inside he casually played with the toy and re-entered the cafe.

_____________

Carniku was starting to get annoyed by Yoko now, first she insults all the Riders (he was actually reasonably good friends with Kouji and Diyu was... well, he respected him for TRYING to hit on Amy, even if it had gotten him throat-punched) and now she was trying to insinuate he wasn't interested. Now, NORMALLY, what there was of his rational mind would have pointed out she was baiting him but instead he leapt into this
"I'll have you know you are an OUTSTANDINGLY hot girl who I find intriguing both physically AND mentally and would fight anyone for the right to go out with you!" Uh-oh, his temper was rising. He was getting the courage to ask the bombshell question

"So, Yoko-chan, are you a virgin?"
"INUZUKI!" Kouji's eyes were the kind of thing you see only in the most dangerous of caged beasts. In the 10 second window between after their released and they realise that their keeper has been keeping them in a CAGE. With an inhuman roar he grabbed a table and hurled it across the room with inhuman strength. Carniku leapt in the way and successfully punted it away from Yoko as he realised exactly what he'd done
"Oh boy... I got some 'splaining to do. So, um, I'll call you later. Have a nice day, Yoko-chaaaaaaan" Kouji seemed to have got the art of the tackle down to a fine shunt as Carniku spiralled helplessly into the middle of the street.

The newspaper that week had an interesting story on the white man getting chased down Tokyo's streets by an insane man on a motorcycle.
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